Hard question

I've been thinking all week about what I would write for this post, and I think in the end it's really a question of honesty, both with all of you and with myself. This first year of grad school has been rough stress-wise and challenging work-wise. It has made me question myself and my goals, and has led me to the following hard question: Does being a costume designer make you happy?

Hard to say. Sometimes the show can break your spirit. Sometimes it's all the outside stuff that happens with living and going to school that does it. I'm certainly not ready to throw in the towel on theatre by any means, but I would say I'm still working on the question of what I want to be when I grow up. If I had to answer that question, I would say I just want to be happy. So I guess I'm still working out if theatre is the path that will lead me there.

I had one professor in my undergrad who said that theatre design is pretty much hell on earth, and if you could see yourself doing anything else in the world, you should probably do that. Hmm...

Then again, he was a bit jaded. I think maybe the thing to consider is that I can't wait for life to present me some great revelation about my future, but rather to make it happen myself. With that in mind, it is another piece of advice that came out of 'MFA Kabarett' that I will remember dearly for a long time: You have to fall in love with the show. If you don't, your design will suffer.

So, I figure there's nothing like being in love to make you happy, and maybe that will be the key next year and forever.